Spiritual Lessons From The Bachelorette

It's a pivotal part of the year, when the Bachelor franchise transitions from The Bachelorette to the guiltiest pleasure of all of TV: Bachelor In Paradise. Yet, I still can't get over The Bachelorette finale so let's discuss. Heads up on spoiler alerts (I mean, if you haven’t watched yet, what are you waiting for?!) and double heads up because even if you’re not a Bachelorette fan I can promise there’s a spiritual lesson by the end of this.

In summary: Rachel and Peter loved each other but Peter wasn’t ready to propose. Rachel came on the Bachelorette to get engaged and not to simply leave with another boyfriend. So Rachel broke up with Peter and finally gets her ring from smooth talking Bryan.

The audience, myself included, thought Rachel settled. She wanted to get married so badly that it didn’t matter to whom. She chose the ring over love. We were shook.

As we watched Rachel’s future flash before our eyes, it felt like all of our future’s flashed before our eyes. A lot of introspection ensued.

This tweet captured the sentiment perfectly:

“Praying to God I will always have the clarity to dodge the Bryans and the wisdom to accept the Peters. #TheBacheloretteFinale”

Let me be clear. I’m certainly not saying that it’s wrong to want to get engaged or married. The nuance here is that Rachel was so focused on getting a ring that she completely lost sight of the love part that is typically a big part of marriage.

Now, I’m not sure Danielle Laporte watches the Bachelorette, and I would probably guess she does not…but her blog post that came out the day after the finale coincidentally touched on this very point. I'll take that as a wink wink from the Universe. 

Titled “Did you get interrupted on the way to “ideal”?”, Danielle talks about how different her life is now compared to what she imagined it would be like as an adult. But she beautifully notes that these differences came to be because of the choices she made in order for her life to feel amazing.

I highly encourage you to read the whole post, but this line stood out to me as the spiritual version of the Bachelorette tweet:

“Every time you choose to go for a “feeling” instead of an “image”, you’re making a courageous choice.”

Preach Danielle!!!!! 

So we’ve got Bryans vs Peters and Feeling vs Image. I also see this playing out as Expectations vs Desires and Wants vs Shoulds and even Spontaneity vs Routine.

I struggle with this/these a lot. A few years ago, I worked with a coach who always wanted me to do simply what I felt like doing. And I appreciated this approach. But I also know that I never would have run a half-marathon if I only ran the mornings I felt like it. There is some benefit from discipline. 

So what do you do if you're feeling stuck in any of these dynamics? I do think there is a big red flag with the Shoulds. For me, that word is a huge signal that I’m out of alignment.

An example: this blog and the many irrational thoughts that it generates.

I should post most consistently.

I should up my instagram game.

I should move to a photo shoot worthy apartment.

I should look like a blogger.

I don't even know what some of these mean, but I can FEEL the pressure.

My birthday was the end of June and I felt like I should write something about looking back on how I’ve changed in the past year and how great it is to feel older and more confident.

The article I wrote about my infertility on MindBodyGreen passed it’s one year milestone and I felt like I should write something to talk about how much my life has changed since sharing my story.

But the truth is that even though I felt like I should write about those things, I didn't feel compelled to. Mostly because the conclusions I felt like I should have come to, well quite frankly I haven't. 

I’ve always promised authenticity with this blog and I continue to stand by that. I’m not going to write a post because I should. I will write a post when I feel I have something to share.

Last month I put out a survey to get some feedback on topics you want to hear about from me. I am taking in the feedback and absorbing it so thank you to those of you that took your time to fill it out. I’m going to write a separate post to go into more details on the results but the surprising stand out topics were TIME and MINDSET.

Now, I could immerse myself into those two topics and become an expert because that’s what you’ve asked for. But I’m not going to. What I will do, is keep that in mind to share what I learn because the feeling of sharing is so much more high vibe than the heaviness of needing to learn all the things.

And that feels amazing.

 

Cover Photo by Albert Dera on Unsplash